I LOST WHAT!!! *stop trying to be who you’re not* 3-2-19
Mar 3, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbNCAZUM4bw

good morning welcome to Saturday
goodness we are already on our weekend I
am actually a running really quick to
Walmart I do not have my phone hooked up
because I forgot to put my phone in my
or put the magnet in my phone so that it
could hook up to my windshield so you
guys are on the it's okay cuz I'm gonna
get off it here in a second you guys are
on my handheld so I am NOT going to
obviously be talking and texts are
talking and driving and holding my phone
I don't want to take it so anyways I'm
gonna be writing to Dollar Tree and then
I'll be coming right back and then I
will check in with you guys so look
these egg just came out of Dollar Tree
really quick oh they're so cute
she has a little headpiece on right now
oh no she took it off oh okay she took
it off she had a pad piece on my coin
anyways so I am just not getting out of
the Dollar Tree I'm gonna run back to
the house say I take my home because
he's going with a friend that's today
and then from there then we're going to
Walmart to go and do birthday shopping
for us or so anywho why oh you want to
show your friends your cars okay the
monster
yeah and Ezra's got a monster or no
she's got a turtle
she's got M&Ms and then oh and your
lipstick she got she can't find the lid
to it so but I got her her little
lipstick so anyways I am going to hang
up early go hang up like I'm talking to
you guys on the phone or something
Wyatt okay hold on okay I said when we
get to the house and I'll carve it okay
Maya grab her car's sorry sorry baby
anyways I'm going to check in with you
guys when I get back to the house but I
need to hurry up get him back to the
house cuz his friends gonna be there to
pick him up at 2:00 and it's already in
155 and God we live really close to
Dollar Tree and then wait for Ollie and
then we're heading out to Walmart so
I'll check in with you guys at some
point here within the next hour so is so
cold but it's so beautiful all the same
time we're getting kids out
anyways we're gonna go into Walmart go
take a look see if we could find
anything it's probably really windy so
I'm gonna turn this off for a minute hey
I'm sorry I'm looking up at my ceiling
because I just noticed I have ants
calling on my silene I feel like I just
told all that I'm like well we might as
well to move to a barn
move come on wave ants we're just we
have bugs randomly I'm just crawling all
over my house you know because there's
nothing else better to do I don't know I
don't know if it's because I keep my
room so warm because doing the tumblers
you have to keep your space fairly warm
because that's how you cure your epoxy
but I'm just like Geyer don't hey
[Music]
anyways so it is Sunday morning you guys
I am closing my Saturday vlog for Sunday
be cut on Sunday because I just got so
preoccupied excuse me with my babies and
I was working on two tumblers
and boy oh boy did that keep me busy but
you know what hey it's all good it's all
good we still see me yes I'm wearing my
jock oh my gosh my tumblers are I am
honestly so happy with the way my
tumblers are turning I keep looking at
him because I'm just like oh yeah that's
my creation um anyways so I had um
somebody talked to me yet well in this
yesterday's vlog um that used to do cups
and so I might be adjusting some of my
stuff I might be adjusting prices I
might be adjusting things but I will
keep you guys 100% um you know up to
date and up to help I mean if there's
any changes or anything like that but
I'm looking at it because it looks like
looks like I might need to go fix one of
them here in a minute
but it's okay I'll fix somebody um
anyways I wanted to put in here my
weight for this week yes you guys you
heard it you heard it I'm down almost 9
pounds or no I'm down 10 pounds I think
I'm down 10 pounds I'm lost
so for the one that said why you haven't
been losing weight and like I explained
every body as a human sometimes you're
up you're down I think right now my body
is just like all over the place because
I've been retaining water really bad as
we all know that that's something I've
been dealing with so um you know I I
don't want to take away the fact that I
am down
ten pounds this week but at the same
time it is normal for anybody to
fluctuate with their weight it is nor
because I don't want someone to be
watching this no like ding she's down
ten pounds this week and I haven't lost
anything for a couple weeks because
every human body is different some gain
some lose some retain water some don't I
right now I am retaining water and then
I lose it I retain water and I lose it
but I think that it's a lot to deal with
what I've been going through plus stress
does not help the situation at all so I
mean I know that that has also been a
thing too is you know because I have
been so under stressed with all this
medical stuff going on and stuff that my
body has just been collecting the water
and so you know I mean like I said I
don't want to take away the fact that
I'm down ten pounds but I don't want to
be like putting that out there for
people to be like oh my god okay so I'm
not doing enough because I'm not losing
that's not the case I mean it's been
about what three weeks since we've
really seen me drop any weight and I
think that that mm-hmm has to really
deal with the fact that I've been really
retaining water I mean right now my
ankles are really low which means I'm
not retaining water but the last couple
of weeks my ankles have been pretty
swollen which is my indicator that I had
a lot of fluid on my body so anyways but
yes I am down this week the rest of this
week I think I'm going to work really
I'm going to work really hard with
lowering out my carb count I'm going
grocery shopping today so that's gonna
be it's gonna be nice to get some stuff
in here that will kind of help in that
and you know in that little bit of you
know
being able to have some stuff in here
that will be you know not as many carb
count so anywho let's do our book
routine really quick before I forget
okay so today we're on January 31st
it says peel back the layers of all the
women you thought you were supposed to
be you will find that the woman you are
meant to be has been there all along at
your core waiting for you to acknowledge
accept and love her imperfections and
all that speaks to me a lot let's reread
that one that's a longer one but let's
reread that one okay my sweet look at us
huh
took my stickers off but she kindly put
back my bookmark I've been using this
thing five children okay let's read this
one more time we're on January 31st peel
back the layers of all the woman you
thought you were supposed to be you will
find that the woman you are meant to be
has been there all along at your core
waiting for you to acknowledge accept
and love her imperfections and all and
honestly I think that that just I mean
again that speaks so much to me because
you know growing up and you know let me
let me make this really clear that my
channel is not about shaming or
[Music]
disqualifying or
throwing shade towards people that
raised me took care of me and things
like that because I know quite a few of
them watch my channel and I don't want
to take away the fact that I am grateful
no matter what that I was cared for and
I had a home you know to come to and a
roof over my head and food in my belly
and love in the sense that they knew how
to love me however it doesn't take away
what emotionally and mentally I was
going through at the times when I lived
there but I didn't have a voice I didn't
have I didn't have the right to say hey
I don't like or you know whatever it
could possibly be I didn't have you know
growing up though I didn't have the
platform to say hey you know what this
really is bothering me or you know this
doesn't make me feel good or whatever it
could possibly be at that moment but I
feel like at times I had to fit all the
cookie cutted shapes of the person I was
told I should be rather than the person
that I was meant to be and I think that
in our land all honesty I think that
that has made me truly be the person I
am today which is I try to fill shoes
that are sometimes too big
I've tried to fill shoes that are just
way too small because I'm used to trying
to just be Who I am seen to be rather
than be the person that I know I want to
be and fit the shoe
that fits me perfect because I've worked
my whole life into trying to fit the
shape that somebody else had envisioned
for me and so with this reading it makes
so much sense to me that I really need
to stop trying to be this person that
others envisioned me to be and stop
trying to fill shoes that just are never
going to fit me correctly and truly
embrace the person that I was meant to
be from day one when I was born and that
is what's going to make me the most
happiest and most satisfied is going to
be the person that I was meant to be
whether I have flaws or I have you know
things that I have to work out which
clearly were dealing with that right now
you know as I'm becoming the person that
I want to be and the person that I was
meant to be clearly every layer I've had
things I've had to go through and that's
where that's come into steps you know
this healing process that I am going
through every single day week month you
know year they're all steps steps to
finding the person that I was meant to
be from day one but you think you know
38 years of trying to fit into something
that possibly was never meant for me to
be truly truly has so many thick layers
that it's gonna take time to find the
real me do I know what I want to do yeah
I do and I know the woman I want to be
and I know the woman I desire to be I
know the wife I want to be to my husband
I know I know what I want to be as a
mother to my children but it's taking me
peeling back all these layers of all
these thoughts and you know assumptions
of who I was supposed to be rather than
be the person I was a
meant to be and you know as I'm pilling
those back though it takes so much work
to allow myself to peel those layers
back and let them go
so that I don't go back trying to fit
that that vision again you know what I'm
saying like you know as I'm peeling them
back I don't want to kind of like you
know in a vision of as I'm losing weight
I'm getting rid of my plus size clothes
because if I have them in the drawer I
know that there's that safety net of
okay well if I was to ever go back and
be big again I can go and just get my
plus size clothes out on my drawer and
I'll be okay no I have to get rid of
them because I will no longer fit in
those clothes anymore I never want to go
back and have to put those you know size
six towards shirts on because that's not
where I'm at physically anymore
I've pilled those layers off that I no
longer need size six toward clothes so I
need to get rid of them so that somebody
else that's working on their journey
they can enjoy them and I can enjoy the
new things that have come to me but if I
have that safety net there then I can go
back and fill those shoes again and go
back to the reality of where I was at
square one and that's kind of with
peeling back your you know these layers
of a person that you're shedding you
want to get rid of them 100% because you
never want to be able to pick up that
skin and we put it back on and costume
you eyes yourself again to say okay well
this is my safety net even though this
is the envision others had of me and
it's not the envision that I had for
myself
it's my safety net and that is so
uncomfortable sometimes when I I mean
there has been times where I have looked
for my skin that I have shed already and
I'm just like oh I need to find this
skin because that was my safety net now
I have to say no you know why Amy you've
gotten rid of it you're done with
that person that you just shed is not
you and you know that let it go walk
away
burn it do what you got to do but don't
ever put your feet back into that
costume because you are not that person
you're continuing to find the true
person inside and that's where I'm at
today is I am seriously finding the
person I was meant to be the wife that I
was meant to be the mother I was meant
to be the business owner that I was
meant to be not whom I thought that
others thought I was supposed to be so
anyways yes that is a very high really
appreciate that reading today that
really spoke some straight words haha
words of wisdom to myself um so
yesterday when I went to Dollar Tree if
you guys remember I ran to Dollar Tree
really quick I bought these I bought 11
of these I am so excited because what
I'm gonna do is I'm gonna fill up my
glitters in these so when I'm getting
ready to do glittering all I have to do
is pop the lid shake it out do what I
got to do cuz it's so hard with the
small ones excuse my daughter she's
fighting with her brother and daddys out
there somewhere so he'll intervene
anyways so I picked up 11 of those and
then I just picked up a tote with a lid
to put my stickers in um because I
needed to have something to put my
stickers and they were just kidding now
put everywhere and they were gonna start
any Road
mmm um anyways but yeah I just I worked
really hard on I have another tumblr on
the Turner right now I'm really excited
to see how this one's gonna turn out I
have one resting and then I need to also
you want a burrito oh okay mama will
make you something hold on just a minute
um anyways I'm not I'm not a hundred
percent sure if I'm gonna put epoxy on
another tumblr that would be three coats
of epoxy which I know sometimes they do
that so I'm not a hundred percent sure I
haven't felt around on it yet to see if
it needs it um but anyways y'all that
was my day it was not very exciting um
when we went to Walmart we got s for oh
my gosh Louise she has him sitting here
so I could show him to you guys
they're so cute for her little size
these are her panties she chose so why I
did bootie what are they called boy cut
shorts or boys something
I don't know anyways these kind of
panties it's because she okay
first and foremost my daughter hates
clothes okay we all know that my child
runs around in her underwear and a shirt
she is the queen of not wanting to wear
clothes so when I seen these I thought
would be actually kind of a good idea
because they're like shorts in a way I
mean very short shorts but they're like
shorts but I got him a little bit bigger
so they actually do kind of fit her like
a shorts um but also she seriously she
doesn't she likes her brothers underwear
she likes Omar Sonora which Omar doesn't
worm because they don't ride and so
these ones these ones don't ride and she
likes him because they don't go up her
booty so I'm really happy that we got
those and then she's not a really cute
oh here's her Gianni she got which oh
she doesn't she's not wearing it so I
told her I'm like well if you're not
gonna wear I'm gonna take this thing
back it was eight bucks um but she got a
little GME Minnie Mouse Jimmy and then
she got a unicorn outfit what she's
wearing now I think I think that's what
she's wearing
and then she got a cute little toy which
is not in here but it's a unicorn she is
really into unicorns all of a sudden I
have never I did never have seen her
like into an actual thing but she's into
unicorns so she got her unicorn outfit
her unicorn toy and then of course
Omar could not leave the store without
getting a little something he was like
yeah if she's gonna get a toy I get a
toy um but we typically do that
especially because right now they're too
young they don't understand like well
why is so so good at way and not the
other one and their birthdays are so
close together that it's kind of like
you know so we save one gift each for
them to have when the other one like
even when Omar was born he brought a
gift for Maya
so when Maya met brother Omar Omar had a
gift for him and then when Esther was
born then Omar and Maya got a gift and
so well let me see that really quick
this is what go get your unicorn I want
to show our friends this is what Omar
got yesterday for his little gift it's
really cute it's got like a little buzz
inside
go get your unicorn really quick so we
can show and it's really cute to it like
opens the doors off doors open and then
he was like oh engine engine oh okay
well the engines missing now but he had
the engine going but it's so cute and it
has the little aliens I was like how
cute that's for his getting her unicorn
but anyways yeah where's your unicorns
you can't find your unicorn so okay um
anyways so we went and got them those
the white I don't know what you're
saying baby love che Oh your be careful
it's kind of warm but you never drink
about me so it's fine I didn't
understand she was mean mm-hmm anyways
so that was pretty much our extent of
our day okay take it off the table honey
yeah okay
sit sit it on the floor please because
then it doesn't shake the table yeah
thank you anyways so that was pretty
much the extent of our day we didn't do
I mean we did do a lot but um at the
same time not really so today I am gonna
actually go and do grocery shopping
because we need groceries horribly I'm
going to be looking to see what I can
come up with that as lower carb counted
I I just don't know you guys like I I
mean I dropped ten pounds this week but
I I'm like I said I know that that's
probably fluid based but I just haven't
been eating a lot which is really weird
like I really haven't I I've almost been
doing that like an intermediate or
intermittent I don't know what it's
called fasting thing because I haven't
been eating until almost like dinnertime
and then I eat dinner and then I'm done
so I'm technically only giving like one
to two meals if I'm if I'm lucky in my
day and that's it
so I don't know I don't know what I'm
but I I don't want to get into that
mindset that it's a diet because it's
not a diet so I'm just kind of taking it
day-by-day and seen where we're going
with it and
go with that but other than that that
was my day I'm going to close here
because I need to go and take a shower
get ready to go and do my grocery
shopping for the day I need to edit this
video so I can upload this one I hope
you guys are enjoying your wonderful
well I hope you enjoyed Saturday and the
start of your Sunday and I will check it
with you guys as I am leaving for
grocery shopping and then hopefully I
will get some footage for grocery
shopping whoa anyways alright you guys
I'm gonna let you go here so I can go
take a shower and get ready to go but I
will talk to you soon take care
sweet dreams bye
